At my almost 26 years of age, I have encountered amazing employment opportunities ever since my first job in high school. I’ve been fortunate enough to hold high roles where not many women got to be in the past at an early stage of life, and along the process of education and the workforce, I learned many eye-opening things. Some things shouldn’t have been learned, but I believe that all encounters in life make us stronger if we choose it that way.
There is one thing that truly sticks out in my mind whenever I think back at my journey in the professional world, when I felt the most uncomfortable in the workforce, when I felt I had no voice, when I felt a knot in my throat wanting to scream, when my power was taken, when all of these things occurred because I felt that as a young woman in a high profile environment, I couldn’t do anything because that’s just how it wasand because of the fear of what will others think if I speak up.
At 21 years old I was already a reporter for the leading Spanish television network in the state of Utah full-time, I had worked for a U.S. congressional office in the state and in D.C., and I was now also working in politics privately part-time. When I attended a convention with another fellow female colleague, a strong male political advocate for both the Anglo and Hispanic community approached us towards the end of the event. All three of us made some small talk, one of them asked to take a picture of the group and we approached to sit down to continue a more in-depth conversation. Little did I know, that sitting down on the steps would have such an impact in my life. Before I tell the story, let me put this into perspective for you, according to a national survey on sexual harassment, 81% of women and 43% of men have experienced some sort of sexual harassment or assault in their lifetime.
This male figure sat down in the middle of my colleague and I. As he started talking about a current event, he happened to put his hand on my thigh and just leave it there as he approached to continue talking. This made me incredibly uncomfortable as it wasn’t asked for, I barely knew him, and it was just wrong. In order to prevent his discomfort (yes, I just said that) I decided to make it look like I just needed to cross my legs differently and scooted away further from him so his hand would indeed need to physically move. As I pulled my little move (although while not trying to make a scene because God forbid I, a young girl trying to make connections decides to speak up about it) he turned his head towards me and stared for a split second, followed by “don’t be scared, this is just how I am and how I like to talk” as he literally pulled me closer and grasped on to my leg and just looked at me in the eyes and said, “okay? Nothing weird, just how it is and how I am” and continued to tell his story as he kept his hand and now arm grasping my leg.
As this was happening, I didn’t know what to say or do. I had attempted a ‘civil and professional’ way of handling the situation only to be told that’s how it is and that I had to be okay with it. Let me remark that fact that he pulled my leg again and was pretty much cuddling it as he talked and had just stated I literally had no choice in it both verbally and physically. I could see the discomfort in my colleagues’ face as she just smiled it off, and I just kept a straight face while still in a very unfamiliar and uncomfortable place.
A lot has changed in the almost five years since this happened, both socially and personally. When I think back at this scenario, I get very angry and upset. This is the first time I really communicate it to anyone; the worst part is… that as a woman striving to break boundaries, this isn’t the worst thing that has happened to me. Yet, it is so impactful due to the fact that it happened in a work environment, from a trusted figure in the local community, and because I probably wasn’t the only one this has happened to with that specific individual.
Some of you might be thinking, I don’t see what the big deal is? But, when something is done against your will it has to do with you, you will understand. Now, I want to highlight that this isn’t wrong of all men to hold on to a woman’s body part (when I talk about my thigh though, this is close to other body parts that make it even more uncomfortable). If you know a woman is okay with you doing so because they have told you, then no harm, but when someone doesn’t want it, then you better back off.
Today, I think back and imagine all of the different ways I could’ve handled that situation. I’m not going to lie though, the first thing I wish that 21-year-old me would have said is “get your little bitch hands off me if you want to keep them”, but I didn’t. So there comes the purpose of me sharing and writing this, if you are that girl starting to make your way in a man’s world, whether you’re 18 or 80 it doesn’t matter. Stand up for yourself, know that if it doesn’t feel comfortable you don’t need to put up with it. And guess what? If you’re scared that you’ll lose your job for speaking up, honey you don’t want to work at a place where you’re not protected in the first place. Speak up and change the ways for those following the journey behind you, change the company culture, change that career path culture, and most importantly don’t give your power so someone can jerk off with it at the end of the night.
To the ones who see things like this happen, you need to speak up too. If you see a colleague, male or female uncomfortable due to things said or inappropriate touching, don’t just sweep it under the rug as ‘not my problem’ but say something. As I start the path to my late 20’s rather than my early ones, I can say I’ve gained confidence I never thought I’d have. Today I can guarantee you all that if something isn’t okay, I speak up. If it’s appropriate to handle it in a calm way because the offender didn’t mean to do so and is the person who would change it once information is given, then that is the second-best case scenario. If the offender has too large of an ego to handle a comment straightforward, humor is my best friend, say straight forward but in a way where the message is actually taken rather than disregarded, that is my third best case scenario. Now, let’s say you’re dealing with someone who just doesn’t care if they are wrong, they will do what they want to do… then this is my worst-case scenario in which I don’t care how blunt it has to be, it will be said. If someone says I’m a bitch or bitchy, then I’ll welcome that comment with open arms like it’s a compliment, because you liking me is the least of my concerns when you are violating my rights or those of others. What’s the best-case scenario you ask? No sexual harassment.
If you somehow disagree or have comments on this, I welcome different insight and how we can all work together towards a safe and better environment in the workforce for all. I’d love to read your thoughts, email me through the contact tab or through social media. Thank you!
