Weight Gain – The Constant Secret Nightmare

My current personal experience 

I’m currently struggling a bit harder with this long life issue. My entire life I’ve been a girl with curves, even at my skinniest point, those Latina hips wouldn’t completely go away. Within the last 6 months, my body and mind have gone through a lot of change which has affected my weight. I’m currently heavier than I have ever been, and I won’t pretend it’s not a struggle. 

Coming from a culture where weight gain and weight loss is something everyone can comment on quite openly isn’t necessarily the easiest way to grow up. I’ve seen my sisters, cousins, friends and myself affected by the constant criticism of our body image. 

One time I lost around 20lbs within one month, it was an incredibly drastic and unhealthy change. At the time I was going through a rough time and was very depressed. I didn’t do much but work and sleep. Notice I didn’t put eat, that’s because I barely had an appetite to eat anything. When I went through this drastic change, everyone praised my weight loss, and I mean EVERYONE! I was at 117-120lbs (depending on the day or time of day) and as weak as I could be, because I wasn’t working out. I’ll come back on to how this affected me later. 

I’m currently at 149-151lbs (again, depending on time or day). For some people, this is a goal weight and for others it’s incredibly big. The reality is, that there is no perfect weight, but that just goes to show why women of all sizes are self-conscious of their bodies. 

What it’s like for women 

Let’s recap a bit on the stigma of weight gain for women really quick. For ages and ages, the goal has been to be model skinny. This means hip, shoulder, and collar bones showing. As women become more athletic or accepting of their curves, we continually see the posts of men saying they thought women in the 50’s were so much healthier and better looking… Uhm boys, the girls in pictures and videos in swimsuits back in the day usually had little muscle and didn’t eat much because the stigma was still to be skinny, so your comments aren’t “body positive” at all, they are just dumb. 

There isn’t a person, at least for women, who doesn’t know that they’ve gained weight. So, when anyone decides to comment on it as in a little push to help them lose weight because maybe they don’t realize they’ve gained weight… it’s just absurd. Like, “oh hey, thanks for telling me I’m bigger, I had no idea my clothes were tighter and face seems fatter. Thank goodness you’re here to tell me that…” WE KNOW! 

Many women blame men for their body expectations from women, yet for me, the hardest critics on weight and body image, are other women. Not women who hate you and want to put you down, but usually women in your inner circle such as family and friends. Perhaps we need to take a second before commenting on someone else’s weight gain. I know, I know, you’re not saying it to their face (most of the time), but it doesn’t mean we still won’t know your criticism. Women tend to say this to other women, and guess what? Women talk. 

How it affects us

It would be a lie to say this issue doesn’t affect us psychologically, emotionally and physically. A lot of times when someone gains weight, it is proven that their shame, depression, and anxiety about it only leads to greater weight gain. 

If you want to help someone whom you know is struggling with their weight, just think of things that would help them lose that or at least just feel better about themselves. Therefore, don’t ask them to go out for ice cream or for fast food. Instead, ask to hang out by doing some sort of exercise or cooking a healthy meal at one of your homes.  Nothing is worse than someone shaming you for trying to be healthy in a time you’re trying to feel better about yourself. 

Let’s face it, there’s always someone who will criticize your healthy eating and try to push away from it. “Oh come on, just have a cookie, it’s not the end of the world” or similar comments are the ones that aren’t helpful. I recently heard a beautiful and smart teen tell her sister, “Really, you’re not eating this? You’re so lame… Just kidding, that’s good you’re not. I only tease because I don’t have the same willpower to be as healthy and I want someone else to not be healthy with me.” This girl was dead on about 99% of people who criticize or try to get others to not be healthy. 

Don’t be the person to help someone feel worse about themselves for weight gain as they are trying to lose the weight. Just eat your cookie or burger on your own and let them handle it differently, we all have different bodies and we know what will have us gain weight instantly while it does nothing to others. 

How to overcome the stigma 

Gaining confidence at whatever your weight is would be ideal. If you’re there, congratulations!!! This takes a lot of mind strength. Yet, for others it might be gained little by little, that’s how it is for me. 

When I went through that drastic weight loss that everyone praised except for one person, my best friend, I would be hurt every time someone asked what was my secret to look so great. In my mind I didn’t understand how they didn’t realize that this wasn’t something to praise, that I was hurting, that I was sad and really wanted to be asked “Are you okay?” rather than “how did you drop those pounds so quickly? I need to do what you’re doing!”

I’m a believer that everything happens for a reason, and this experience taught me that no matter how you look, it’s all about how you feel. Yet, it also taught me that no matter what… people will still criticize your body. Whether you’re too skinny or too big, too tall or too short, too curvy or not enough curves, too much cellulite or too much muscle, etc. Even supermodel Kendell Jenner has openly talked about body image struggles. So… it’s okay to struggle, but it’s also okay to feel perfectly content with how you look today. 

Do it for a healthier you

We have to realize: you realize you are still you, that what makes you amazing isn’t your body weight or image; but what’s inside, how you treat others, and most importantly how you feel about you. Be the person that encourages another to be healthy, not a magazine stereotype. Be the one to love yourself and spread that love to others. Be the one lift another woman up in her greatness so you can both succeed together.